‘Boys Who Like Girls’ Toxic Masculinity and Gender Roles

"Boys Who Like Girls" is a Documentary discussing feminism in India and the toxic masculinity culture there and the gender roles that are expected, but are now being challenged. I wanted to watch this as it allows me to get a richer understanding of the topic I am discussing and actually have that understand come from the mouths of the people that live there. 

 

At the beginning of the documentary we are introduced to Harish who is an Indian man in charge of the organisation MAVA (Men Against Violence and Abuse). He focuses on abolishing toxic masculinity and preaching the importance of gender equality in India. He wants young boys and men to lead a more brighter path where they will not only find themselves with better opportunities but also a more fair, accepting and respectful mindset. 

Straight away in the documentary we are witnessing protests, men and women both walking with signs and hats chanting for equal rights. Both English and Indian people walking a picking signs to carry with them. Further on we are introduced to a large group of boys all part of a college where they learn so much about women’s safety and respect. The group of young boys are having a lesson on what women and men are good or bad. They are given a newspaper and a large piece of paper and asked to make a collage of both men and women who they think are good and who they think are bad. The boys flick through the pages and take out the pictures, we see one young boy stick a picture of a woman in her underwear into the collage and shout ‘Bad!’. Other pictures of models are shown and they are called bad too, the boys say the models a greedy and that’s why they wear those clothes. However the teacher later tells them that this is not correct, this is her job, she is only doing what is asked of her and that is it, there is nothing bad about that. The adults then try to take this into a conversation about rape and how the women are always blamed first because of what they’re wearing as well as other things. One of the women present makes a good point to the group of boys when she says; ‘If you blame short clothes, then when the Delhi rape took place... it happened in the winter’. She discusses that this could not have been the case so what other reason would the man have to rape her? The truth being there is no reason and no justification.

What these people are trying to do is undo decades of wrong teachings and are trying to teach this young men the right way to behave and react when situations like this occur. These boys and young men have been brought up to believe a very specific idea and have certain morals that effect women in a very negative way. They are encouraged to speak up about women’s safety and help tackle the toxic masculinity that they are so often exposed to. Throughout the documentary we see a variety of other activities and lessons being taught to the same group of young men. Some having some very powerful lessons and underlining meanings despite how innocent the games came across. For example, they were asked to draw an outline of a woman’s body of the floor with chalk and name all of the organs including the sexual organs. The conclusion of the task found that each organ only had one name but when it came to the sexual organs of the women all of the young men had multiple names for the vagina and breasts. All the boys were laughing and making rather rude comments through out the task. The point of the task was to help them see that as men they will say a lot of insulting and harmful things about women and get away with it. The respect is lost when it comes to discussing women and their bodies. Another task they undertake is the boys are paired off and one of them is asked to hold out his fist, the other boy then needs to try and get their fist to open. All of them complete this forcefully but grabbing them and opening their hand. However they are then asked to do the same thing but this time they are not allowed to touch each other. Some of the boys completed this using threats such as spitting on their partner, others explained in a more kind way to open their fist and they agreed. The whole point of this was to create a conversation about consent and how forcefully making a woman have sex with you is not ok and should never even be a considered option when talking to a woman.  

This whole documentary tackles both the teachings these boys go through and the harsh realities they have to deal with themselves. A lot of the boys that attend the sessions MAVA provide are threatened and teased for going and taking part, all from other boys and men. Not everyone agrees with what many of these people are trying to do and teach. Women of India are seen as having enough rights and what the men are being asked off is too much and against older traditions. Many of the boys have problems at home, especially with the elder men in their lives who do not necessary live by the rules MAVA is trying to teach. They strive to working with men and boys as it will create a wider effect on the world this way, they believe so much in empowering women but they also believe that this is made harder if we do not teach boys the correct ways in which to help and respect the women around them. As in many countries the power is with the men, empowering women is an incredible and important conversation but if that conversation does not include men so many women will continue to feel powerless and silenced by the world around them. A quote that really echos this from the documentary;

"We can’t expect to empower women and girls if we don’t start training boys early."

The conversation in the documentary continues with them discussing how it’s always been possible to break female stereotypes but what about the make stereotypes? What we class as normal is something to be deconstructed and put back together in a way that is open and helps everyone, that does not degrade and harm specific groups in today’s society.

To conclude, organisations and charities like MAVA need the support and funds from other people in order to keep them going. They only have a small group of staff because they focus so much on teaching as many young boys and men as they can. Continuing this conversation about men’s masculinity and how we must fight against the toxic traits that sometimes come along with it. Teaching this more respectful and positive way of being masculine is so important to not only India but the rest of the world. Without organisations such as this and men like Harish who spendS his whole life trying to abolish toxic masculinity, there would be so many more wrong mindsets wandering streets, and so many women who would feel the harsh abusive realities of this.

Bibliography:

Documentary - https://youtu.be/rChnPHtv7jE